After being told by a bus driver (yes, another imbecilic bus driver) to “Stay there” one morning this week whilst on my way to work, I got to thinking about the incredible and wildly differing reactions to I have come across whilst traversing the streets.
I remember one morning I was walking to school, must have been year seven or eight, and I lost my balance and fell to the ground. As I got to my feet and picked up my bag (which was quite heavy with my laptop in it), the inevitable onslaught of local do-gooders commenced, with people left, right and centre attempting to help me in any way, shape or form possible. However, the situation did seem to retain a certain dignity and calm…
That was until, one clearly delusional man, who seemed to be taking on the persona of a crazed lunatic fresh from a local asylum, exclaimed, “Oh my god, he’s broken his leg!”
You really can’t make this stuff up.
Now in this instance, you would imagine that the scale of inappropriate and above all idiotic comments had reached some kind of threshold limit, but you can think again my friend…
In an almost immediate response, a woman replied…just wait for this one…”No, don’t worry, it was already like that.”
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…are you dizzy blud?
And at this point I must reiterate, you really can’t make this stuff up. What planet do these moronic creations come from?
Now, this next anecdote is one that I often refer to as “The crazy man in Sainsbury’s”, but to fully appreciate the comedy of the whole situation, you must consider that whilst reading this you are undoubtedly expecting some zany story, for me at the time, this was just another normal lunch-time…
Me and my friends often walked from our college to Sainsbury’s to buy our lunch, but on this particular occasion, little did I know that I would be participating in a dialogue like no other.
As we were leaving the store, a Nigerian man casually but swiftly approached me and my friend, which I immediately thought was quite unusual considering the setting, but nothing on God’s earth could have prepared me for his opening question…
“Did you know that God can save you?”
Sometimes I have to pinch myself to check that I haven’t been transported into some alter-reality. This was one of those occasions.
After proceeding to ask my friend first if he was “with” me, and then if I could talk, both of which I sensed had him fairly taken aback, he then followed this perfectly normal course of questioning with…
“So, what is wrong with you?”
If someone gave me a trillion guesses of what his next response would be, I do not think I would’ve succeeded…
“Well, you didn’t fall straight out of your mother’s womb into a wheelchair, did you?”
Oh wow. Just…wow.
After initially considering a sectioning as most appropriate for this man, I managed to quickly decipher the two central flaws to this argument.
Firstly, yes, I was born “disabled”, if that’s what you’re alluding to.
Secondly, the very idea that someone is born and immediately starts running around crosses the line of sanity.
Whilst he proceeded to lecture us on how God could “save me”, “you should come to my church” etc. etc., another friend was waiting for us outside, and he decided to come back in to see what was going on.
When this was recounted to him, in front of the man, his conclusion was priceless…